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Dream a Little Dream of 2013

After HOURS of fighting with my computer and iPhoto, my family photo album for 2013 is FINALLY done! I’m usually a bit more on top of it than this, but whatever. At least I did it. ūüėõ Bowden Family 2013 Album from Mike Bowden on Vimeo. Music credit: Dream a Little Dream of Me (cover), by Charles... read more

Confession: I’m Not Cut Out for Motherhood

Now it’s time to jump back to my more serious confession that I mentioned previously. I actually wrote this days ago when negativity from lack of sleep was driving me, so I decided to hold off on publishing it until I could have a better perspective. And today I do. But my post isn’t any less true, so here it is. Confession: I’m not cut out for motherhood. Being a parent is SO hard. Or maybe I just make it hard. These days I find it almost laughable that being a mother is the one and only thing I knew without a doubt that I wanted to do, and that there was a time where I thought I would be amazing at it. My ideals rarely line up with my reality though. I feel like I am in a constant war with myself between being the mother that I want to be and the mother that I actually am. I had terribly unrealistic expectations of what being a mother would be like, but I also didn’t at all realize how being a mother would change me, and it hasn’t all been in positive ways. I try to look for the balance, but sometimes it just feels like the negatives are outweighing here. I love my children. I really do. More than I will love anything or anyone else. But I don’t always like them, and that is a fact with which I find it really hard to cope. I wish that I were a patient and loving parent. Instead I feel more like a crazy, screaming banshee. Patient and loving are the furthest things from what I feel half the time. I’m tired of the battles. I’m tired of seeing myself reflected back to me in my children. It only highlights my inadequacy at the job I am doing. I do remember a point where I did think I was a great mother, but it was a long time ago, and before I had two children. Having two children broke me, and I’ve been struggling in varying degrees ever since. It is why I am adamant about the fact that do not want, and will not have any more children. I don’t want to see what a third child would do to me as a person. I hear that as they get older it will get easier. I can only hope, but that only makes me wish away these... read more

Bye Bye Milky Boobs

Well, it is official. After almost 7 years of breastfeeding without any downtime, my boobie-ing days are over. We are 3 days into the weaning process, and Addison is handling it very well. It was just time. And even though I have BEEN ready for this, it is¬†definitely¬†a little bittersweet to have this significant era of my life ¬†over, knowing that there will be no more babies in my future. Sweet toddler Haden. He was¬†definitely¬†my boobie babe. He nursed quite frequently up until the very end when I weaned him a few months shy of being 4. My one and only tandem nursing photo. Forgive how rough I look. ūüėČ I had just given birth about 12 hours earlier. This was our first tandem nursing session. I only lasted about 3 months before I¬†decided¬†to wean Haden.   A recent picture of Miss Cheeky Baby nursing. <3   I guess it is time to move on to a new phase in my mama life. Bye bye milky... read more

TLC

My poor blog needs a little TLC, but that isn’t really what it is getting tonight. More like a hastily thrown up blog post, so I can show off our pictures from vacation that I should have posted a month ago, but whatever. ūüėČ   Myrtle Beach 2013 from Mike Bowden on Vimeo.   And a funny gif Michael made for me. Just... read more

A Little Push

It has been far too long¬†since¬†my last post. Honestly, I don’t¬†know¬†what my deal is, because I can’t really say I’ve been too busy to find the time to write. Maybe it has become like¬†exercising. Since I’ve lost my momentum it has¬†become¬†hard to get back into it? Who knows. Maybe giving¬†myself a little push, I can find my way back… Since I am here and writing I feel like I should give you an update on life, so this feels like a good¬†place¬†to insert that I am¬†quitting¬†school. Yeah, I bet everyone is totally shocked. Cause I seemed so committed and all. I really can’t think of any good reason to be doing it, and my lack of overall goal makes my motivation almost nothing.¬†Since¬†I can’t seem to justify the increased stress levels, and the whole eating¬†away of my time thing, I figured I needed to live by one of my new-ish life rules – to only be doing shit that I want to do. So school is out for now. Maybe when my kids are older, I might figure¬†out what I want to do when I grow up and all that jazz, and I can revisit that option. So, I’m officially unschooling myself again. ūüôā In other news I have been participating in a book club with some friends from our homeschool co-op, reading the book Daring Greatly. Brene Brown’s work is amazing, and even if you read the synopsis for the book and don’t think it is a book you want to read – do it anyways. Best advice I have ever given you. Her chapter on shame was¬†excruciating¬†to read, eye-opening and more than a little heart-breaking. It is the kind of thing that breaks you down, but at the end you are¬†thankful¬†for it. Truthfully, it is hard fior me to put into words and make any sense, so just read it. I posted her Ted talk¬†Listening¬†to Shame below,¬†which¬†gives you a little insight into what her book is about. Watch it. Anywho, things in the land of homeschooling have been fun and interesting… you know between the crying, whining, and fits (mostly from me). Plus, bribing¬†Addison with TV to give me 20 minutes of peace to actually work with her brother… ūüôā I have a lot of homeschooling topics I’d¬†like¬†to blog about, but I just need to sit down and do them. Did I mention Addison turns 3 in two... read more

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