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Confession: I’m Not Cut Out for Motherhood

Now it’s time to jump back to my more serious confession that I mentioned previously. I actually wrote this days ago when negativity from lack of sleep was driving me, so I decided to hold off on publishing it until I could have a better perspective. And today I do. But my post isn’t any less true, so here it is.

Confession: I’m not cut out for motherhood.

Being a parent is SO hard. Or maybe I just make it hard. These days I find it almost laughable that being a mother is the one and only thing I knew without a doubt that I wanted to do, and that there was a time where I thought I would be amazing at it.

My ideals rarely line up with my reality though. I feel like I am in a constant war with myself between being the mother that I want to be and the mother that I actually am. I had terribly unrealistic expectations of what being a mother would be like, but I also didn’t at all realize how being a mother would change me, and it hasn’t all been in positive ways. I try to look for the balance, but sometimes it just feels like the negatives are outweighing here.

I love my children. I really do. More than I will love anything or anyone else. But I don’t always like them, and that is a fact with which I find it really hard to cope.

I wish that I were a patient and loving parent. Instead I feel more like a crazy, screaming banshee. Patient and loving are the furthest things from what I feel half the time.

I’m tired of the battles.

I’m tired of seeing myself reflected back to me in my children. It only highlights my inadequacy at the job I am doing.

I do remember a point where I did think I was a great mother, but it was a long time ago, and before I had two children. Having two children broke me, and I’ve been struggling in varying degrees ever since. It is why I am adamant about the fact that do not want, and will not have any more children. I don’t want to see what a third child would do to me as a person.

I hear that as they get older it will get easier. I can only hope, but that only makes me wish away these younger years… Fast forward to a time where we can enjoy each other more. And that is just so damn sad.

[box] I love and hate writing posts like this. Love them because it relieves some of the pressure I feel inside me, and hate them because they always peel away at the carefully constructed mask I like to try and wear.[/box]

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Confession: I’ve turned into a fangirl

I had a much more serious confession that I wanted to blog about earlier today, but now I’ve changed my mind. No worries. I’ll come back to the more serious one. Cause that shit surely isn’t going away. I’m just currently more in the mood for this one.

So… My confession is that I’ve become a bit of a fangirl. Okay. Maybe not totally fangirl. I won’t be tackling anyone or asking them to sign my boobage or anything, but this has got to be the closest I’ve come to abnormal fangirly type behavior EVER, cause I’m really just not the type.

Let me back track. This is how it started….

About a month ago I was messing around on Facebook, avoiding doing the things I actually NEEDED to be doing. The normal. I’m scrolling through my wall and I notice a video someone shared called, Evolution of Beyonce by the a capella ¬†group Pentatonix. I don’t overly love Beyonce, but this wasn’t the first video I had seen by them. I had caught their Evolution of Music video before when someone shared it and it was really good. Evolution of Beyonce is exactly what started this whole mess. I loved it. I was just crazy impressed with their talent and what each one of them brought to the table. Then, I ended up spending an hour watching a bunch of their videos on their YouTube channel, and I’ve just been in a downward spiral ever since. ūüėõ

I’ve been spending less of my free time reading smut, and instead I have been obsessively watching tons of videos on YouTube featuring Pentatonix. All their performances from when they were on the show Sing Off. Live performances from their tour. ¬†And most recently I started watching the SuperFruit vlog that Mitch Grassi & Scott Hoying keep, which I find hilarious and cute. I may have developed a little crush on Mitch Grassi…

I’ve only mentioned it to Michael about 20 times in the past few days that all I want for Christmas is tickets to go see them when they come to Athens in March. You know… that way he won’t forget. And keep in mind, I don’t do concerts. I haven’t been to one in a little over 10 years, but I HAVE to be at this one.

So now it is out. If I start going crazy sharing videos you will just have to forgive me. I can’t seem to contain my love for them. :

WATCH IT! ūüėČ

 

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Bye Bye Milky Boobs

Well, it is official. After almost 7 years of breastfeeding without any downtime, my boobie-ing days are over. We are 3 days into the weaning process, and Addison is handling it very well. It was just time. And even though I have BEEN ready for this, it is definitely a little bittersweet to have this significant era of my life  over, knowing that there will be no more babies in my future.

Haden

Sweet toddler Haden. He was definitely my boobie babe. He nursed quite frequently up until the very end when I weaned him a few months shy of being 4.

Tandem Nursing

My one and only tandem nursing photo. Forgive how rough I look. ūüėČ I had just given birth about 12 hours earlier. This was our first tandem nursing session. I only lasted about 3 months before I¬†decided¬†to wean Haden.

 

Addison

A recent picture of Miss Cheeky Baby nursing. <3

 

I guess it is time to move on to a new phase in my mama life. Bye bye milky boobies!

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2013 – 2014 Curriculum Plan (So far)

Next year will be Haden’s second grade year! All my¬†researching¬†seems to be paying off because I’m¬†feeling¬†pretty solid about the choices I’ve narrowed down to so far, and I only have a couple things I still need to make a decision on.¬†So, here is the list that I promised!

Math

We will continue doing¬†mostly Living Math, and will be using a variety of resources throughout the year. So, I’ve just listed some of the things I want to add to our collection of living math tools.¬†

Miquon Math РThis will be the core of our math. We have already started using the Orange & Red Books, but will continue on throughout the rest of the series.
I Love Math Books
Logic Links
Usborne First Maths Dictionary
Learning Resources Creative Color Cubes
Citi Blocks

Plus, living math books that we will borrow from the library. ūüôā You can find book lists here, here and here.

Language Arts

I have had the hardest time making a decision here! I’ve thought that I had it all figured¬†out¬†a couple of times, only to change my mind again. I think this is it though. Hopefully….

I linked to the main website for all the Brave Writer materials below, but you can buy them at a really great discount on the¬†Homeschool Buyer’s Co-op.

Brave Writer’s The Writer’s Jungle
Brave Writer’s The Wand
Brave Writer’s Jot It Down

Handwriting Without Tears

And of course, reading TONS of books. ūüėõ

Science

Elemental Science: Elementary Biology

Required books for Biology:

Kingfisher First Encyclopedia of Animals
DK First Human Body Encyclopedia
Plant Parts
Janice VanCleave’s Science¬†Around¬†the World
Janice VanCleave’s Biology for Every Kid

Intellego¬†Unit –¬†Evolution

History

Classical House of Learning – Grammar Stage Ancients (FREE literature-based program.) Although, this curriculum offers a reading schedule that includes Story of the World, I’ve decided to skip that, and use the Usborne Encyclopedia of World History as a supplement to the program. I may do Ancient Civilizations History Pockets with it too.

I will be borrowing most of the Required Books for the course from the library, as well as the Optional Books.

Also, we will be doing American History read-alouds throughout the year to go ahead and dip our toes into our history a bit better, until I’m ready to do a more¬†thorough¬†study. ūüôā

Geography

Intellego Unit – Maps
Geography from A to Z: A Picture Glossary
World GeoPuzzle 

We will probably do misc. country studies as Haden shows interest too.

Social Studies

Intellego Unit – Goods and Services
Intellego Unit – Choices and Resources

Art

We will continue using our Usborne Art Coloring Book and Draw.Write. Now.

BLAM

BLAM by Roy Lichtenstein

Spanish

I’d really like to start doing Spanish next year, but I am still undecided on what to use. I am considering using the book,¬†Getting Started with Spanish. Maybe Mango¬†if I can budget it in… I’m really not sure yet…

Others

I will be adding to our collections of field guides for Nature Study. We really like the Peterson Guides. ūüôā I’m getting¬†Peterson First Guide Rocks and Minerals¬†&¬†Peterson First Guide Caterpillars, plus maybe a couple others.

The Kids’ Book of Questions¬†–¬†This book was¬†recommended in the book,¬†Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for¬†Parenting¬†Beyond Belief,¬†which¬†is a really¬†awesome¬†book, BTW. I will be using it as a starting point towards having ¬†more thought provoking discussions with Haden and to encourage moral reasoning.

Usborne Encyclopedia of  World Religions

And (of course) we will be taking classes through our co-op next year too.

Chickens

All about chickens in Life on the Farm class.

Websites

These are all websites that we love and utilize now. Just thought I would share the love. ūüėČ

Education Unboxed РOh, the amazing things you can do with Cuisenaire Rods.
Cool Math Games¬†– Cool math games. ūüėõ
Math Playground РMore cool math games.
Living Math РThe place to check out for living math resources.
Handbook of Nature Study Blog РI love their monthly newsletters because they include fun outdoor challenge grids and free notebooking pages to go with them.
Notebooking Fairy РLots of free notebooking pages.
Homeschool Share РFREE lapbooks!

Pre-K

Addison will be 3 1/2 in the fall, so I will most¬†likely¬†start making a more concentrated effort to plan activities to do¬†with¬†her. She already tags along with Haden during school sometimes, especially¬†science. She likes to sit at the table with us and work on puzzles or pages from her cut and paste book when we are working. I’ll keep it simple, but do want to start forming a habit of thinking¬†about¬†her more than I currently do when it comes to our plans for the day. I’m thinking about buying her some sand paper letters and numbers… I’ve started a preschool Pintrest board to pull ideas from, and I will likely try to take a¬†literature-based unit study style approach with her for Pre-K, and see how that goes. The last two classes of this term at co-op she actually attended class on her own, so I’m hoping she will do that in the Fall too!

[box] So, what are your plans for next year? You know I want hear about them! :)[/box]

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Oh, the Curriculum!

And the purchasing has begun!!! Our next school year ¬†has been on my mind for the past month or so. I’ve been¬†making¬†lists, researching, crossing things off, researching some more, and adding things on…¬†I’ve got a pretty good list going, which I will probably post in the nearish future, even though it is subject to change. ūüėõ ¬†Now I get to spend my night¬†perusing¬†all these new books! And the nerd in me finds that rather exciting.

Homeschool Curriculum

A little sneak peek @ the first wave of resources we are adding to our homeschooling arsenal. ūüėČ

 

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Every Day is Earth Day

Today, on Earth Day, we (with the help of¬†friends) helped SAVE the Earth! It was really quite impressive. ūüėČ

Ready!

We ventured out to Sweetwater Creek State Park to give a little TLC.

Trash in the creek

The voices of outrage at the amount of trash in the water could be heard from afar. We really needed a boat and a net with a long pole to tackle the places that need it most. ūüôĀ Our butterfly net was not up to the task. Bummer.

Searching

We cleared the ground though.

Play time

Ah. A reward for a job well done. Cheeky looks to be basking like all the turtles we saw on the way.

Explorers

Maybe they are scouting for more trash?

Sleepy Girl

Our Earth Day adventure wore Cheeky out. She passed out on top of me eating the boobie milk and watching My Little Pony.

[box] How was your day?[/box]

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Do You Strew?

One thing I love about being a homeschooling parent is that there¬†always¬†seems to be a never-ending stream of homeschooling styles, concepts or ideas that you have yet to explore – and I am¬†always¬†on the lookout for new ideas. So, recently I stumbled across a term that is closely associated with unschooling – strewing. I was like… What. Is. That? It was kinda a DUH moment for me because it really is such a simple concept it should have¬†occurred¬†to me before. Aren’t the best ideas¬†like¬†that???!! Completely over my head¬†apparently…

Strewing effectively boils down to leaving things out for your children that will draw their attention, and encourage exploration. Genius. We seriously have all kinds of cool things in our house that my children rarely mess with, and I think that the way I keep things tidily in their place is a deterring factor.

Here are a couple of links that can explain strewing better. I could take the time to write more, but why would I when I can pass you along to someone who has already done it for me. ūüėČ

If You Strew It; They Will Come

Homeschool Strewing

So, I have been making a nightly effort to strew before I go to bed… and the results have been awesome. Every morning when we come downstairs for breakfast, my kids seem to feel drawn to things that I have left out.

 

Playdough2

Our playdough strew. I printed off a couple of playdough mats (links found here), put out some plastic animals, sea shells, rocks and feathers to go with the playdough, and they just went with it.

 

Strewing1

I pulled out all of our nature study stuff, and put it in a big basket that is now¬†sitting¬†on our fireplace. I’ve been laying out some of our rarely looked at books, and utilizing some of those easy/fun projects that I am forever pinning that I rarely actually work into our school day…

 

Strewing2

Like painting salt with colored water on black paper.

 

Not every strew has been a winner, but I can always try it again later. ūüôā I’ve been¬†working¬†on a Strewing¬†board¬†on Pintrest. Check it out!

 

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From Clay to Bricks

For once, all the Georgia Red Clay that plagues my backyard can be considered a good thing. Today, as part of our Earth unit using Elemental Science, we made some bricks.

Mud hole

Mixing water and grass clippings into our clay hole.

Our Mold

We used a cut up orange juice carton for our brick mold.

Bricks

Finished bricks!

I’m hoping they will be dry by tomorrow afternoon, so we can play with them. They are currently in the back yard surrounded by orange cones to deter anyone (dogs included) from trampling them. ūüėõ

[box] What happened in your homeschool today?[/box]