Here I sit finding myself in a place in life where everything feels like it is off. Personal things and too much stress have been making my household not tons of fun, and I think all of this is having a negative impact on Haden’s behavior. The past couple of weeks have been pretty painful when it comes to school. Trying to do any sort of pre-thought out activity has been met with resistance. Homeschooling, something that was supposed to be fun for us, has turned decidedly not.
When Haden was a baby I had all these wonderful visions of us learning just by living, and doing things that inspired learning through fun. Somewhere along the way I started to think too much about what he is learning. Is he learning enough? Does he know the things he needs to know? Apparently, my personality doesn’t allow for too much non-structure. Really, I could have a whole other blog post about how uptight and compulsive I am…
I thought for sure that we would be unschoolers, and then started to get worried that he wouldn’t possibly know the things he needed to know if I were an unschooler. I did even more reading on the philosophy, and found it really hard for me to feel like I could ever be a true unschooler. Listening to radical unschoolers talk about unschooling, and what you should or mostly should not be doing, did not sit well with me.
Ok… I am sort of rambling. Mostly cause I had SO many thoughts jumping around inside my head, and really I just needed to put them all out there somewhere, even if I don’t totally make sense to anyone else. So, I was looking at stuff from my Passion for Birth Seminar the other night, and I have these inspiration cards to aid me in teaching in a different way; a way that people will learn more and feel inspired. Telling is not teaching. Build confidence. Have fun. Be bold. It’s not what people know, it’s what people do. And possibly the most important one, (I think) – It’s not all about you!
If these things work best with adults, how should I really expect a child to respond well to being talked at all the time? To being told WHAT to do???
We had a deal breaker type of day on Monday. One of those really ugly days. That night I cried so much, I knew that things have got to change around here. Not just school stuff, but so much more. I feel like I am at a crossroads, and I am not totally sure where I will end up. I know one thing for sure though. I have to do better for my family than I have been, even if it means stepping way outside of what my comfort zones have been in the past. Those just aren’t working for me anymore.
Follow up post: I’m Making the Rules NOW